Sunday, January 26, 2014

Finding More Love After Divorce

Marriage is like a comfy chair for many people. You can easily find your favorite spot in any room, and feel settled where you are. But divorce is like careening down a giant slide. Navigating this troubling, new territory can be harrowing and traumatic, but the biggest surprise is that you may actually find more love afterwards.

When I first got separated, I was stunned and overwhelmed, but I quickly realized that support was everywhere I looked. My children were always very loving, but now we rallied together. On our own, we created an exceptional bond and felt tied to one another in a new way.

My family and friends rallied around me, too. They were eager to help with anything I needed, from driving my children to meeting with divorce lawyers. And even cleaning my house! Rather than feeling like a burden, I saw that depending on all of these people actually strengthened my relationships. You never know just how good a friend you have until you must rely on that person. My heart felt full from all of the kindness I was receiving.

Next, I discovered the connection I could forge with other divorced women. As a married person, those who were divorced had always seemed alien to me. I could not even imagine being in their position. And then suddenly, I was. I soon realized just how helpful it was to be around others who could really understand. Meeting women who were further along in the divorce process was truly invaluable because they could advise me on my situation as well as give me a snapshot of what to expect. Having fewer unknowns made me feel more at ease.

Finally, I looked at romantic relationships differently. I wanted to learn from what had gone wrong in my marriage by being more open about feelings and pursuing a partner who was looking for the same thing. As couples therapist Nancy Hyatt wisely told me, I was ready to embrace rupture and repair. Although my marriage had been solid for many years with very little acrimony, I never discovered there was a problem until my ex had already decided to walk out the door. Now I knew that I had to check in with my boyfriend and make sure that communication lines were always open in order to build a really strong connection.

In the end, I found love all around me. I just had to look for it!

1 comment:

  1. This was inspirational reading!!!! I wish I could hang out with you!!!!