Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Five Things to Look for in a New Relationship

So you have just suffered a brutal breakup, but you are ready to return to dating. You may be feeling rusty. What should you be seeking this time to avoid feeling disappointed once again in the future?
  1. Find someone who cherishes you. People do best in relationships where they feel loved and appreciated for who they are rather than being badgered to change into someone they are not. Valuing the other person is key. Every couple has a unique story of how they met or connected, and that is often where the closeness derives. Try to keep this in mind during the ups and downs of a relationship as that initial attraction may remind you of what you like about your significant other.

Monday, December 9, 2013

My Leaky Cauldron Phase

The other night I went out with some friends, and we all laughed about the time I spilled my whole separation story to them even though we hardly knew each other. Just after my ex moved out, I found that I simply could not contain myself. I had to tell nearly everyone I encountered about what happened because I was in shock. My daughter recently reminded me of being in a restaurant back then and how I walked up to a random woman and gave her all the gory details of my recent travails.

Why was I so chatty? I was seeking understanding and sympathy, while hoping to find others who had suffered something similar. I really wanted affirmation that I was not alone. Always a Harry Potter fan, I call this my "Leaky Cauldron" phase.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Top Seven Post-Separation Annoyances

There are many things that happen during and after a divorce that are serious, costly or emotionally distressing. Other things are not that big of a deal, but they are really annoying. A month after separation, you expect to deal with some of these. A week after the divorce is final, you can still manage them cropping up again. But a year or more post-divorce? Ugh.

Here is my list of the things that irritate me:

Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Day Marie from the Bank Became My New Best Friend

Unfortunately for me, I was not very involved during my marriage with our day to day finances. My husband ran the checkbook and paid the bills. Although I knew where we spent our money, I let him handle the details. Big Mistake!

When we split, I had to take control and fast. The process would have been daunting enough on its own, but it became a nightmare when I learned there was a lien on my house. Apparently, my future ex had stopped paying some of our bills for close to six months, and the one that turned into the biggest problem was the real estate tax. If you fail to pay, the government has the right to put a lien on your home and can even take possession of it if you do not submit the fee and penalties after a period of time.

To untangle the mess I found myself in, I gathered my bills, including those for my real estate taxes, and went to the neighborhood branch of my bank. There I met Marie. She turned out to be a lifesaver in those dark days.