Wednesday, November 20, 2013

What’s Wrong with Going for the Money?

Divorced women attract many labels, and those who seek out wealthier men are often called gold diggers, if not something worse. But is that label fair? If a friend said she wanted to date someone who was handsome or tall, would that be such a bad thing? Shouldn't the man you seek after a failed marriage be exactly who you want, especially after the one you have have already experienced turned out to be a dud?

Sunday, November 10, 2013

And Now for a Completely Useless Exercise: Couples Counseling

Your marriage is in big trouble, so you do what everyone else does - you dial couples counseling 911. In my sessions, my ex focused on what I considered to be unimportant things. For example, that I did not want to take our sick dog to the vet one time in the midst of my work day. The undercurrent was that my unwillingness to do so made me a bad wife. He certainly expressed his anger with me, but he neglected to mention an important detail - he was having an affair. Instead of solving issues, we ended up having fights in the parking lot after sessions. As a result, my time with the therapist felt like a waste of time and money.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Be a Yes Woman!

When I was first gripped by the thunderstorm of divorce, it became all too easy to say no to invitations. I just felt under-confident about attending events that I would normally go to as part of a couple. Then I remembered one of my favorite movies, Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey. In the film, Carrey attends a self-help seminar where the speaker advises his audience to say yes to any question they are asked in order to live life to the fullest. While this approach gets Carey into some trouble, it is an attitude I recommend.

As soon as I started saying yes, I realized I was up for (almost) anything friends suggested and began to anticipate upcoming events. As a result, I felt more positive about the future. My kids always had a bunch of activities for me to attend, and I took pleasure in those. I also focused on planning things I wanted to do and looked forward to each one of them. It was just great to write on the calendar – whether it was to note a tennis game, a wedding, a charity event or just a night out with the girls. Rather than a door closing in my face when my marriage ended, I began to see a world of options opening all around me.