Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Be a Yes Woman!

When I was first gripped by the thunderstorm of divorce, it became all too easy to say no to invitations. I just felt under-confident about attending events that I would normally go to as part of a couple. Then I remembered one of my favorite movies, Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey. In the film, Carrey attends a self-help seminar where the speaker advises his audience to say yes to any question they are asked in order to live life to the fullest. While this approach gets Carey into some trouble, it is an attitude I recommend.

As soon as I started saying yes, I realized I was up for (almost) anything friends suggested and began to anticipate upcoming events. As a result, I felt more positive about the future. My kids always had a bunch of activities for me to attend, and I took pleasure in those. I also focused on planning things I wanted to do and looked forward to each one of them. It was just great to write on the calendar – whether it was to note a tennis game, a wedding, a charity event or just a night out with the girls. Rather than a door closing in my face when my marriage ended, I began to see a world of options opening all around me.

Of course, my kids and my work were my top priorities, but I also added some new facets to my life. It was cool to develop my interests and to spend time with different people. I made a new group of friends, who I really enjoyed seeing. I began to hang out with more divorced people – both women and men. We could talk about exes if we chose, but it was also nice that they did not view me in the context of my marriage, but on my own terms.

I also was intent on making memories with my family and close friends. As I worked to keep my children’s lives as much the same as possible, our family unit of four solidified. My three kids and I developed an even closer bond. We looked forward to holidays and vacations together as well. I planned trips in which we revisited old haunts and also ones where we traveled to new places. I relished these adventures and looked ahead with excitement at the thought of doing more. The word, “Yes,” ushered in a whole new sense of satisfaction and greater confidence in myself. I think it can do the same for you.


  1. thanks for the yes idea!!! I will try to be more open as usually I am Debbie downer

  2. I bet you are more fun then that!!! Great idea!

  3. Practical advice from a brave woman.

  4. Marriage counseling is a lost cause. One has an hour to argue and then guess what? Time is up. Most likely, one or both will leave bitter, crying, or pissed off. I went to marriage counseling once. One of us was "in", the other "out" and that left no one in "waiting" regarding saving the marriage. Conclusion: the marriage was over. Smart marriage counselor. Guess what though. He and his wife slept and most likely still sleep in separate bedrooms. What does that tell one smarter client? Maybe they have a problem? Especially that his wife happens to be a psychologist too. So during ONE session he established that I am a very smart woman and my marriage is over. Well, I did not even know that my marriage had a problem.
    There is only one person, whose work works 100%. That person is Mort Fertl. I purchased and read his book "Marriage Fitness" with its workbook and CDs. I bought the "Emergency Kit." I had also signed up for his marriage saving seminars. Please trust me on this one, his work works. My husband came back and started talking to me. But I had realized that I do not want the life we had together and I do not want his family around me or around my children. He had also told me that he will not give up drinking fine wine. In addition, Mort's prerequisite is that there had, has, or is no abuse in a relationship. None. Not physical, not psychological, and/or not emotional. Mort is brilliant. I think he needs to extend the abuse issue to the extended families, to both sides of parents of couples. Otherwise, his work will not work. And alcohol is bad. Remember, fine wine is alcohol too.

  5. I have never heard of Mort, but will check out his work. I do find it hard to believe that anyone has an 100 per cent success rate, or that progress can occur when one party is unwilling or hiding the truth.