Thursday, December 5, 2013

Top Seven Post-Separation Annoyances

There are many things that happen during and after a divorce that are serious, costly or emotionally distressing. Other things are not that big of a deal, but they are really annoying. A month after separation, you expect to deal with some of these. A week after the divorce is final, you can still manage them cropping up again. But a year or more post-divorce? Ugh.

Here is my list of the things that irritate me:
  1. His name on my bills. He does not pay these fees anymore, yet I see his name on a nearly daily basis. And have you tried to get his name off of them? It is a PITA. Some are relatively easy, such as credit cards. Others are nearly impossible, including utilities. It turns out that businesses like to make those who recently split with their former spouse jump through hoops in order to get the name of their ex off of their bills.

  2. Invitations sent to us as a couple. I understand that not everyone knows what happened to my marriage, but it is really irksome to get invitations to events addressed to both of us this long after the fact. The old school format of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is just tedious at this point.

  3. Attending parent-teacher conferences. Sure, the kids are my top priority, but the person I no longer agree with about anything is not the one I want to sit a few feet from in school. We are no longer a parenting team with common goals.

  4. Kids sporting events. Some types of athletics have huge areas for spectators, but others do not provide much breathing room. As a tennis parent, there is often little space in the viewing area, and that leads to an undesirable proximity.

  5. Birthdays cards for an ex. When your kids are young, they do not have the time or money to get gifts and cards for their father. So who is left to make the purchase? Yup. The betrayed has to sift through the slim pickings in the Hallmark aisle to find a birthday card suitable for a child to present to the betrayor.

  6. Attending religious ceremonies. At these events, the split family is obvious. In essence, you end up being featured as an ex couple. If you have a long tradition at a temple or church, or perhaps were even married there, the unsettling feeling is even greater. 

  7. Hosting big events. From bat mitzvahs and confirmations to graduations and weddings, there is no doubt that while marriage may not last all that long, divorce is forever. Your ex is bound to be sitting across from you at these milestones, so coming up with a plan to manage them is usually the best way to go. 
Do these ring true for you? What's on your list?


  1. I don't have any issue with any of these.... Right from the start I told him to not dare bring THAT near me so he's chosen not to attend ANYTHING. Very occasionally he will turn up, but hide in a corner or up the back and leave early before it finishes.

    1. Wow you are lucky!! I think I'm a little jealous! I am impressed too that you are able to call the shots. Great job!

  2. I loved reading your list! All 7 have annoyed me too