Saturday, April 5, 2014

Mr. Reliable vs. Mr. Fun

In this corner, we have old reliable. The guy is financially sound and emotionally stable. He has a solid job and holds up well at dinner parties. In the other corner is Mr. Fun. He might not be a perfect match in your social circles, but he is never a bore. For a single mom that has to do it all, his spontaneity recharges your drained mommy battery. So, who should we pick? And, perhaps more importantly, will that choice hold true in 5, 10 or even 20 years?

People tend to fall someplace along the reliable-fun spectrum. On the reliable side, men are often very steady and meticulous. They can choose a health insurance plan in record time and handle flight details with ease. Some are so solid in this department that they can even orchestrate affairs that you will not even discover. As an alternative, there is a guy who is a lot of fun. He is always up for an adventure and ready to go at a moment's notice. Steamy in the bedroom, he has few set plans or responsibilities and is a lot of laughs.

Your ex may fall into one of these categories. After an unpleasant split, you obviously hope to avoid a similar fate the second time around, so you are likely drawn to the opposite of your first husband. But try to resist that urge because finding a significant other who falls somewhere in the middle is probably best. Being on or near the fence, in this case, is a good thing. Most likely, he will gravitate towards one of the two poles, just as you do. In fact, the best match may be complementary. If you lean towards reliable, a strong partner could lean towards fun. You both will appreciate the characteristic of the other, but together you will bring balance to the relationship.

No matter what you choose, one thing we can say for sure is that we know people change over time. We have lived through this reality. The person we originally married years ago is not the ex we divorced. Mr. Fun might drive you crazy in a few years if he does not evolve into someone who you can depend on but still enjoy. Mr. Reliable may bore you to tears after a while if he does not bring a little excitement and variety into the mix.

We need to look for another who has a core that we love and respect, and look forward to seeing that person grow and develop over time. And our significant other needs to share that same outlook, as we will also change in the years ahead.


  1. this has definitely got me thinking about the future and what kind of guy to look for next!!!!

  2. Great post, Esther!