Friday, September 27, 2013

Welcome to Sunny Splitsville!

So how does it actually happen? When do you know that your husband of more than 20 years is leaving? Well, for me, it was kind of like a car crash. Time stopped, but the wheels of action kept spinning.

“I need to talk to you,” he said slowly and deliberately. “Just sit down, Esther.” I could not remember the last time he had used my full name. “I have been seeing another woman for a while. I met her through work. She’s another lawyer, and I saw her at a conference. We had a drink and ended up together. If only you had come with me to that conference, this never would have happened!”

“Are you in love with her?” I asked as my jaw dropped and my hands shook.

“Yes, I think so,” he replied. “I packed some of my things and put them in my car outside in case you want to kick me out.” I did not tell him to go just then. I was not ready yet. We had three children, and I never wanted the kind of life for them where they would have to shuttle between homes. Sure, I knew the divorce statistic hovered around 50 percent, but I never thought it would happen to me.

In the beginning, I felt as if I had been hit by a truck – just flattened. It was hard to breathe. I struggled to find my footing and looked for guidance, but there was not much to lift my spirits. Friends kept giving me a book entitled When Things Fall Apart. It was bit too New Age for me. It just did not ring true in my experience.

Next, I looked in the self-help section, a new area for me. I found little there to buoy me either. All that really made sense was Nora Ephron’s memoir, Heartburn.  In it, she detailed how her husband walked out on her just as she was about to give birth. It made me laugh, and I appreciated that a lot back then.

People told me it would take a year for me to feel better, and I thought, not a chance. How could it take so long? Over time, I succumbed to the fact that they were right, but I kept thinking that if someone could just tell me about the positive side of divorce, then perhaps, recovery would not take such a long time. I kept hoping that if I could provide solace for just one person, then that would be worthwhile. So I set out to do it.

Welcome to Sunny Splitsville!!!


  1. Is this your first post about divorce? I enjoyed reading and would like to see more. However, I do not like "If only you had come with me to that conference, this never would have happened!”'s all YOUR fault, isn't it! Another thing men say to make themselves feel less guilty about leaving.

    My divorce came 6 years ago (time does fly by...especially after that 1st year), after 40 years with one man (36 of them married). It's a learning experience after being married for so long, but we get through it....and guess what? We survive!

  2. Hi Joyce,
    Thanks so much for sharing your story! This is my first post, but I hope to make many more. I completely agree with your thoughts on my ex's rationale, and I love your outlook. My divorce was finalized last November, and we are not only surviving, we are thriving!

  3. Hi Esther, Wow! This is high impact stuff; literally and figuratively. You really captured the sensation of going into trauma. Sadly, I have to say that I'm experiencing a version of this myself. I look forward to future blog posts and learning more. Onward! Lisa B.

    1. Hi Lisa,
      So great to hear from you!!! Thanks so much for your comment! I am thinking of you and know that you will get through this tough time. You deserve better and I am here to get together and talk whenever you are available.